Sunday, April 18, 2004

life is funny

it gets really depressing when you think about everything in your life that has happened in the past year, all you can say is that life is funny. that doesn't seem to do anything justice.

over the past two years i've grown apart from a lot of very good friends back at home, it's as if i'm in an entirely different world, universe even, when i'm at school. i guess it's happened to a few people i've known at columbia too. when you haven't seen someone in a long time you tend to drift apart, and the sad reality of life is that sometimes, you never see that person ever again.

i first heard from andrea, i appreciate her effort to keep me informed on what's going on with the folks from home. Jackie had gotten into an accident and had stumbled to the road to try to flag some help. She was killed by oncoming traffic in a hit and run. I was stunned, but it didn't hit me quite like before winter break when we had our first Columbia community incident. I thought at first that I had become desensitized to death, it keeps hitting closer and closer and we are on seven now.

tonight i tried to study EE. i did a little bit, frequency response isn't exactly hard. i got distracted and started reading my xanga subscriptions of my friends from highschool. they all stayed and went to University of Florida, their world is so foreign to me. everyone seemed to be doing their best to cope and blog their heart and soul onto some 1's and 0's floating through network relays. a lot of people went to the funeral, duncan flew home from Yale.

the man i fell in love with isnt dead... i can still feel him... hes just lost, because i drove him away. ill do anything to find him again... this was the introduction to jackie's last post. she had lost so much in the past month and now we have lost even more. i was trying to remember tonight about all the time we had spent together. we were pretty good friends back in highschool, i always felt like i had so much to say to her when we talked, so many laughs, so many smiles. i left for college, to put it simply, we just grew apart and we stopped talking, i didn't realize how permanent that would be. i'm so sorry...

i thought it would end after how last semester ended, there's no controlling life. take care of yourselves guys. really. love you all. life is funny.